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Domestic violence can take any form namely psychological abuse, forced intercourse, physical aggression as well as other controlling behaviors. The negative impacts of domestic violence can have physical, mental, and emotional ramifications. In most cases, the basis of abuse lies in sociocultural norms and a normalization of violence against women.

Intimate partner violence may lead to mental health disorders, anxiety disorders and PTSD. Moreover, the longer the duration of violence, the higher the severity of depression. Children who witness such violence may also suffer from mental health disorders in subsequent life—ranging from anxiety, aggression, depression and trauma-related symptoms. This trauma may also lead children to have academic difficulties later in life, substance abuse issues, or display high-risk sexual behavior.

Survivors like Edith found not just shelter, but case management and counseling services to help deal with the traumatic effects of domestic violence.

“My husband abused me every day for over four years. It started when I was 21 years old and was living in Northridge with my husband, our son and infant daughter. He was controlling and manipulative, and I had suffered physical, psychological, emotional, verbal, economic, and sexual abuse. I never talked with anyone about the abuse. I was alone and did not have family here. He was my only family. It became worse when his mother started participating in the abuse. The day I decided to leave the father of my kids was the same day he hit me so hard he broke my nose, he was screaming and physically abusing me. His mother and his sister came to the apartment and took my kids. My husband stayed and continued the abuse throughout the night. He finally left in the morning. I gathered myself and called him that afternoon, begging him to bring my kids back. I went to his mother’s house to pick up my kids, his mother told me to forget my kids and she closed and locked the door. I went back to the apartment, and I stayed there by myself. After three days, I went to the police and was advised to speak with somebody and explained my domestic violence and my abuser, and his family doesn’t want to give me my kids. I was transferred to a court investigator; he gave me an emergency restraining order. It took me fifteen days to get my kids back. A case was opened against the father of my kids, and I was told that they attempted to contact him, but he never answered or came back to the apartment. I was given contact information for shelters in my area. Haven Hills was the closest shelter to my home; I called the hotline, went through intake and began the program in 2016. Haven Hills made me feel protected and not lonely anymore. The counselors were very helpful to me, and I could trust them. I took domestic violence classes, yoga classes, I attended support groups, one on one counseling, and therapy. All the programs gave me the strength to understand and accept that I was not the only one in the abuse and were vital for my healing process and I finally lost the fear three years ago. The future holds a better life for my kids and me. “

Survivors of domestic violence experience many emotions such as fear, confusion, anger, numbness, guilt, and shame. You can cover up the visible effects of violence with makeup or clothing but getting help for abuse in a timely manner can help prevent the long-term emotional and psychological impacts of abuse.

Haven Hills can help Survivors with resources to help with the long-term impacts of abuse and start them on a path of positive mental health and wellness. If you or someone you know is experiencing abuse, seek help. You are not alone. Haven Hills 24/7 Crisis Hotline 818-887-6589

Leaving a domestic violence situation is not easy.  Often survivors are faced with almost insurmountable obstacles that make it difficult for them to seek safety. At Haven Hills we believe that everyone deserves to live a life free from violence and make it our mission to help survivors break down barriers that keep them in unsafe relationships. 

Women like Claire who in April 2022 was referred to us by another domestic violence agency and began working with one of our Housing Navigators.  With the financial assistance from our Housing First program, and despite the many challenges in her path, Claire worked to reach huge milestones. 

The first obstacle Claire had to overcome was an open child custody case with her abusive partner, for custody of her youngest son.   Costly fees to obtain legal representation were a significant barrier. Through financial assistance from the program, she has secured legal representation and continues to work towards regaining full custody of her son. Unfortunately, the Judge, in that custody case, deemed the shelter in which she was residing an unsuitable environment for her son. Therefore, it became imperative that Claire find housing, in her son’s school district, to comply with the Judge’s requirements.

In July 2022, she obtained a place to live within her son’s school district where she could live with both of her children. The Housing First Program provided support for Claire’s security deposit and a few months of rental assistance to allow time for Claire to get back on her feet after exiting the shelter.

Throughout that time, Claire and her Housing Navigator worked together to provide her with assistance crucial to her independence and safety. 

• We helped earn her Basic Life Support Certification which helped her obtained new employment with better pay and hours.
• We helped her with essential furniture assistance to help her establish her new home. 
• We helped her with emergency food and clothing to help as she continued to stabilize.

Much like healing trauma and abuse, finding affordable, safe housing is crucial to helping survivors reduce the possibility of future violence. That is why programs like Housing First are so important as they reduce housing instability and homelessness and ensure that survivors have increased economic opportunities.

Claire is very thankful to the Haven Hills Team and often refers to Haven Hills as “Heaven Hills” and to the Haven Hills’ team as her “angels”.  We couldn’t be prouder of her success and the small part we played in her achievements.

Despite the many barriers still before her, Claire continues to make steady progress towards self-sustainability and is hopeful for what is yet to come. Haven Hills will continue to provide support to ensure that Claire and her children don’t lose their housing or their financial independence. 

Since 2018 the Housing First Program has helped survivors like Claire exit from our transitional program, crisis shelter, and outreach programs to find housing successfully, pursue their goals and improve their quality of life.

To find out how your unrestricted gift can help us invest in critical programs like Housing First please contact our Development Department at 818-887-7481 ext. 121.

Usually, when you experience any form of abuse from a partner — whether that be physical, psychological, financial, or sexual abuse, people will encourage you to disconnect from your abuser. This can include stopping all communication, and seeking police support if appropriate.

However, with children, the process of separation is more complex and often means you need to remain in contact with the other party, despite harm that happened within the relationship. Having a child with an abuser is an unbreakable bond that you will share for the rest of your life.

It can be hard to have your own identity when you are struggling and trying to provide a safe place for yourself and your children. Like our survivor Megan who shared her struggle:

I take deep breaths. I have felt suffocated for years. Tried to catch my breath by leaving “him”. But I couldn’t breathe as they put the handcuffs on me for “abusing him” when I had been the one abused. I couldn’t breathe when they handed me the restraining order to not come within 100 yards of my kids because I was a “danger” to them. I couldn’t breathe in every court hearing being told I was a bad parent. I couldn’t breathe as I slept in the truck. I was able to take small breaths when I was able to fight the negatives and get them back. I could take deep breaths as I finally had them in my arms after two months of nothing. My breath was taken again when they pulled my three month old from my arms because of both of “them”. I couldn’t breathe when I sat in that room for 1 hour as not one but TWO social workers watched my every move as I “visited” my kids. I couldn’t breathe when the ER doctor told me I was pregnant. Short breaths and reflect and the choices I am making. Deep breaths as I secured my income and escaped the abuse, finding us a safe home. Full breaths when I was finally told I could have my kids back after a year and a half. Slow breathing as “he” disappeared for months leaving me to do it all, feeding them, loving them through their own pains and confusion. And again, small breathes as he returns and threatens to take them again because I decided to fight for “him” to pitch in for their survival. Preparing myself to deal with the ups and downs of co-parenting with an abuser. Life can be breathtaking in both ways. But the point is to Keep Breathing. I will continue to have my kids be my oxygen.♥

Client’s name withheld

Don’t forget to nurture your own identity and life. It may be difficult, it is important to build a broader identity outside parenthood and your relationship, to ensure you have a range of identities to draw solace from.

Work, friendships, hobbies, and other relationships can be sources of support and meaning and give you something to feel positive about at times when the co-parenting relationship feels particularly fraught.

For information on how to deal with the effects of trauma or to get help, please visit our website at havenhills.org.

Lisa came to our Shelter from South Central Los Angeles. She had just moved with her batterer from Arizona and knew no one in California. And, as is common in domestic violence relationships, her abuser had isolated her from everyone and everything that she had been familiar with.

Lisa resisted calling a shelter because she felt that as a lesbian she wouldn’t be accepted into any program. In fact, there is a common concern among our LGBTQ+ survivors, that they will not be accepted into a shelter or receive the services offered because domestic violence shelters only accept straight women and their children.

Nothing could be further from the truth.  In fact, at Haven Hills we take great pride in serving ALL survivors of domestic violence regardless of national origin, ethnicity, gender-identity, sexual orientation, age, language, religion, income level, or abilities. 

Domestic violence is not limited to heterosexual relationships and can affect individuals of all sexual orientations and genders. Within the LGBTQ+ community, intimate partner violence occurs at a rate equal to or even higher than that of the heterosexual community. LGBTQ+ individuals may experience unique forms of intimate partner violence as well as distinctive barriers to seeking help due to fear of discrimination or bias.

Luckily Lisa made a call to our hotline and found a helpful advocate ready to provide support – a safe place to stay, case management, individual and group counseling, and a community ready to help her rebuild her life. 

Lisa participated in all our shelter programs. We helped her file a restraining order and worked with her to connect with a transitional housing program. Today, Lisa is working as an executive with a major corporation and is enjoying her new home in Los Angeles.

We strive to support the unique needs of ALL survivors we serve. Because we believe that everyone deserves to live a life free from violence. 

Crisis Line 818-887-6589

You are not alone. We are here to help.

One pandemic later and we are living in a world of virtual learning and 18 months later we are slowly beginning to integrate back to some semblance of normalcy. We wanted to take a moment to interview Haven Hills’ teacher to share her thoughts about the education program at Haven Hills and how the pandemic has affected her program. 

• Interviewer: Tell me about Haven Hills’ Children’s programs and on-site shelter school? 

I am extremely proud of the educational program my team and I have developed throughout my 10 years at Haven Hills. We have always maintained a child-centered curriculum, combined with rigorous attention to state standards; taught in a creative and engaging way. As a teacher who has previously taught in classrooms containing 30+ students, I feel blessed to have the luxury of an environment where I can focus on individual needs and strengths so vital to a child’s growth and self-esteem. Both the kids and I have thrived in this atmosphere. When I hear a 15-year-old boy tell me that mine was the first class where he ever read an entire book, or when a 10-year-old girl, told for years she was “stupid” at math, lights up at mastering division; it is no mystery why I have stayed here 10 years.  

We focus on English/Language Arts, Math, Science, and Social Studies every day.  Art, music, and dance are also a big part of my classroom.  Over the years, I have collected a terrific assortment of lesson plans for all grades and interests.  Some, I have written, some I have borrowed, and on some I have collaborated.  The remarkable thing about educators is that they love to share their successful lessons with each other! The structure of the classroom is divided by age and grade.  We serve kids kindergarten through high school.  I design an instructional program for each of the kids based on my initial assessments, state standards, and the children’s own strengths and interests.  I only have them for a maximum of 45 days (about 1 and a half months), but it is wonderful to see what some TLC can do. 

• Interviewer: How is their learning structured during the pandemic? 

 Throughout the last year, the Haven Hills team and I have challenged ourselves to maintain the education of our client’s children in any way possible. We have distributed thrice weekly lessons, worksheets, and curricula, offered Zoom classes, and purchased hands on science and art kits for the kids to enjoy. I have heard from many parents throughout the year that the children enjoy the educational packets and that the parents also enjoy doing them with their kids! So, as an unexpected bonus, parents and children have strengthened their bond! Yay! That said, though, I cannot WAIT to get back into the classroom, whenever that may be. I miss the interaction and the joy I get from my students. 

• Interviewer: Do you work with partner organizations? 

Most other DV (DOMESTIC VIOLENCE) shelters do not have onsite schools, which is a shame, because it is unsafe for the children to return to their old school (because of the abuser).  There have been many cases of the abusive partner kidnapping the children from their school and/or using them as leverage against the DV survivor.  So, back in the 70’s, when Haven Hills began, the women who founded it wisely wanted the children to continue their studies. They also knew the routine of school would provide comfort and structure to traumatized kids.  They also intuitively knew that happy kids help heal the DV survivors.  So, they designed a one-room schoolhouse for the survivor’s children onsite where the kids could thrive and get a lot of individual attention they have been needing for years.  Other DV shelters are beginning to catch on to how necessary a school is for the health of their clients and have installed them or in the process of developing them. Another serendipitous event occurred during this last challenging year. A sister shelter contacted me to pick my brain on developing their own classroom onsite! I happily babbled on for an hour to their administrator and it truly reminded me how much I love teaching at Haven Hills. He told me he is going to incorporate many of my suggestions. This success is a shared one:  I could not do the positive things for the kids I do without the support and encouragement of the Haven Hills team. 

• Interviewer: Do you have any advice for parents out there who may be struggling with school? 

Advice for parents struggling with school is first…realize we are all struggling so do not be tough on yourself.  Also, do not be ashamed or embarrassed to reach out for support from other parents or teachers, online or by phone.  There are terrific free resources available:  the Los Angeles Unified School District, the PTA, even the public library! There are parent support groups that are open and encouraging to all — all you need to do is ask. 

• Interviewer: Do you have a favorite teaching moment? 

My favorite teaching moment is when school is over and the kids do not want to leave! Yes, that does sometimes happen.  That is truly a great moment. 

For 43 years, Haven Hills has been adapting to provide domestic violence survivors with services to support their emerging needs. From our humble beginning as a hotline that operated from 9 am – 4 pm, when the Savings and Loan bank that donated space was open, to the opening of our shelters and our Service Center. 

We pride ourselves in providing innovative services to help survivors overcome their trauma and build better lives for themselves and their children. That’s one of the reasons why we’ve been integrating more into housing issues over the past five years. Reports state that safe, affordable housing is often one of the primary barriers survivors face when leaving their abusive partner. Those reports also document domestic violence as the leading cause of homelessness for women and children.

In 2020, the Los Angeles Homeless Services Authority (LAHSA) reported that 18,858 women, men, and children across the county have experienced or are homeless due to domestic violence, a 40% increase from 2019. Sadly, DV victims make up 41% of the total “unsheltered” homeless population or those living on the streets, in their cars, and other places not suited to human habitation. Although these are alarming figures, many professionals argue that these statistics are low and do not accurately capture the number of domestic violence survivors living on the streets. 

We have seen survivors leave our transitional shelter for years now and struggle to find affordable housing. Upon leaving, many survivors often face two terrible choices: return to their abusers or become homeless. Societally, we urge survivors to leave their abusers, even going so far as to tell them they must leave. Yet, where should they go? 

That’s why Haven Hills founded its Housing First Program in 2018. This program, funded through the California Office of Emergency Services, helps families find safe and affordable housing to ensure their safety. The program provides survivors with housing assistance for rent, utilities, furniture, and essential supplies. It also includes case management through our Housing Navigator. This staff member helps survivors locate and secure housing, ensuring they receive the supportive services needed to stay housed. 

The Housing First Program has helped survivors exiting from our transitional program, crisis shelter, and outreach programs to find housing successfully. Before implementing this program, roughly 40–50% of clients leaving our transitional program obtained housing. In 2018, that percentage grew to 80%, and in 2019 100% of exiting survivors moved on to permanent housing. Without financial support, this upward trend would be very different. 

The COVID-19 pandemic has been especially challenging for this program. Dozens of survivors have turned to us to help them stay in their homes as they faced reduced hours at work or loss of employment. Housing First funding has helped prevent homelessness for survivors with no other options. When DV survivors must choose between living in violence at home or subjecting themselves and their children to violence on the street, we must do all we can to make sure that these are not their only options. 

Maria Barahona has been with Haven Hills since 2014. Over that time, she served as its Director of Development and currently serves as the Director of Compliance. In this capacity, she oversees our public contracts and new program development, including Haven Hill’s Housing First and DART Shelter Advocate Programs.  
Please visit the National Alliance for Safe Housing and the Los Angeles Homeless Services Authority (LAHSA) for more information on homelessness and domestic violence.

What is domestic violence? The definition of domestic violence is as follows: domestic violence is a pattern of behaviors in any relationship that one intimate partner uses to get or keep power and control over another intimate partner.

In other words, domestic violence is physical, sexual, emotional, economic, or psychological actions that influence another person. In an abusive relationship, one intimate partner uses physical, sexual, emotional, or other types of domestic violence to try to gain and maintain power and control over the other partner.

Every human being has the right to feel safe, to live each day, and rest each night, free from violent actions and intimidating threats.

Every human heart can admit what love is — and is not. Love is not abuse. Domestic violence is never acceptable in any relationship.