Joey’s Survivor Story
Men don’t suffer from domestic violence, right? Wrong. In the United States alone, one in four men experiences domestic violence. Often, men struggle to get help for domestic violence out of fear of not being believed. They also fear being perceived as less masculine. When men access services, they tend to minimize the abuse and try to avoid the social stigma that comes with their inability to protect themselves. Let’s break down male domestic violence with a few figures.
- According to the CDC, every 37.8 seconds, a man is the victim of intimate partner violence somewhere in the U.S.
- Nearly 56% of men who were victims of sexual violence, physical violence, or stalking by an intimate partner first experienced these or other forms of violence before age 25.
- 63% of males, as opposed to 15% of females, had a deadly weapon used against them in a domestic violence incident.
- Only 15% of the domestic violence reported to law enforcement officials is against men.
In other words, domestic violence among male survivors is a huge problem that often goes unreported. Although most shelters aid male survivors, most have only limited units that can accommodate them. Therefore, many male survivors of domestic violence do not receive the support they need. That’s not the case with Haven Hills, though.
We can accommodate survivors, regardless of their gender, since most of our units are single units. More and more male survivors are coming forward to seek help and, luckily, organizations like Haven Hills are available to help them rebuild their lives with shelter and supportive services. Joey, for example, entered our crisis shelter program a few years back.
At first, Joey resisted seeking help because his abuser would tell him that no one would believe him and that they would say Joey was the aggressor because he was male. He also viewed his sexual orientation as a barrier that prevented him from seeking the domestic violence support services he needed.
Once he entered our crisis program, Joey attended a support group and learned how to identify signs of an abusive relationship correctly. He also started individual counseling and discovered not to be ashamed of being a male domestic violence survivor. His son also benefited by receiving tutoring services through our children’s program.
When I called Joey to confirm his acceptance into our transitional program, he cried. This 18-month program provides Joey with no-cost temporary housing as he continues to stabilize his life and plan for the future, providing him with tools to establish credit, develop a budget, find a permanent place to live, and develop a safety plan.
Joey regularly calls to express how thankful he is for all the supportive services we’ve provided him. For years, he stayed in an abusive relationship because he thought there was no help for him and his son. Unfortunately, that may also be the case for an unknown number of male survivors who experience domestic violence but are too afraid or ashamed to seek help.
Joey’s story is a powerful reminder of the importance of keeping our services available to all survivors of domestic violence. No one deserves to suffer domestic violence, and Haven Hills is here to help people of every gender break the cycle of abuse.
Marissa Lemus is the Residential Program Manager for Haven Hills. In this role, she provides services and manages the crisis shelter, transitional shelter, crisis line programs, facility, and staff. Marissa’s professional and educational background is in clinical neuropsychology, which allows her to support both staff and clients holistically. She and her team meet weekly for client case consultations that enable survivors to receive trauma-informed care. Marissa’s main objective is to develop programs that instill self-sufficiency, resiliency, and community within residential clients.